Sidi Ifni- Our society is notorious for the spread of extra-marital relationships. We often read news about a married woman cheating on her husband or hear a story about a married man cheating on his wife. This is not something new.
We have grown used to hearing such immoral news and stories. Statistics cannot tell us the real gravity behind the immorality of extra-marital relationships, particularly that these take place behind walls and in dark, far-away corners. Meanwhile, we know one another and are aware of what is going on. We just need to have the courage to tell the truth.
Our hypocrisy lies in the fact that we usually avoid pointing fingers to the real reasons underlying the extra-marital relations. Rarely do we ask why a particular married man dare cheat on his wife. Rarely do we stop to ask questions. All we do is describe, relate a story of this kind, and blame the cheaters. In fact, we must ask “Why?” We must probe into the motive leading these people to cheat on their partners. Regrettably, even if we try to mention what is amiss and wrong in the relationship people will hasten to attack us, basing their criticism on our misunderstanding of their situation.
Extra-marital relationships happen due to a number of reasons. I believe that parents must assume much responsibility for the spreading of indecency and immorality even if they are not aware they are doing it. Parents think that what they are doing is right, when in fact what they are doing is wrong. If parents continue to choose a man for their daughter instead of letting the daughter choose the man of her dreams, extra-marital relations will continue to multiply. If parents impose their choices on their son in regards to the girl most suitable for marriage, extra-marital relations will continue to rise. These relationships emerge simply due to absence of love.
Lovers much choose each other. Lovers must be convinced of each other. The interference of parents in choosing the best partner for their children leads to mismatched couples. These couples are the ones that usually resort to extra-marital relationships, for they have not chosen each other, they have not loved each other, and they have not come together out of their conviction at a point in their lives. How can we expect a couple passionately in love with each other to think of cheating on each other? How can we expect a couple deeply in love each other to think of loving another person? They will resort to another lover if they were forced to come together under an arranged marriage.
In our so-called conservative society, we often hear of real stories about a man proposing to a girl he loves. Then, out of the blue, a parent of the girl suddenly comes out to say NO. He says No, not for any logical reason, such as the man is immoral, immature or penurious, but for a frivolous reason, such as the man belongs to a poor family or lives in the same neighborhood. One or both parents then agree to force the daughter to say No to the suitor even if she loves him deeply.
A taxi driver I know very well got married at age 26, not because he wanted to, but because his mother forced him to. Not only did she force him to marry at that age, but she also forced him to marry his 17-year-old neighbor whom he never loved. He does not appreciate her beauty. He cannot even bear the sight of her he once told me. “You don’t know what beauty is, my son, “his mother used to tell him. “ You must get married to this girl. She will wash your clothes cook you delicious meals, and take care of you. “You don’t know how to choose the right girl. This is the right girl for you.” At first, the man refused to listen to his mother. But, his old neighbors and the sheikh of the tribe told him that obeying one’s mother leads on to paradise. “Do what your mother orders and you will go to paradise, “the sheikh advised him.
He married the girl even though he never loved her. He didn’t choose her of his own accord. She didn’t choose him either. It was his mother who matched the couple, who later turned out to be mismatched. The man is indulging in extra-marital relationships, and he is now thinking of divorcing his wife and marrying a girl he loves. Suppose the man married a girl he himself chose for his married life? I do not think he would have thought of betraying and cheating on his wife. The case of this man is simply one instance among a million others. Parents who force their children to marry those they do not love must expect that they might cheat on their partners one day.
A young woman from my home town got married to an older wealthy man, not because she wanted to or loved the man, but because her parents forced her to marry the man, because of his wealth. She had to obey her parents since the local sheikh taught them that obeying one’s parents leads to paradise. Unfortunately, they remember the act of obeying parents only when it comes the choice of the future partner, but not when parents need care, love, affection, good treatment, help, support, respect, etc. from their children. Anyway, the woman got married and now she is blessed with a boy and two girls. What is she doing now? She is texting a young man, and she expresses her passionate love for him. If she had married a man she loved, I don’t think she would have ever thought of cheating on her husband.
As long as girls feel depressed when they are denied their own pick of the man of dreams, they will either have patience and live with a man they never loved or cheat on their husband. As long as men are denied their own pick of the girl of their dreams, they will either stay single, heart-broken or they will cheat on their wife. Our social hypocrisy has led us to live this bitter reality in our everyday lives, whether we admit or not. Parents must either allow their children live the married and romantic lives God blessed them with or they will live nightmares and consider resorting to immorality to revenge themselves on the love they were denied. Parents must either choose to respect their children’s choices of their lovers and the ones to marry, or they will turn their children’s romantic lives into hellish and unbearable lives.
The Prophet said: “There is nothing better for two who love one another than marriage.” (Ibn Maajah 1847). Unfortunately, we Muslims do not respect love. We like to interfere into our children’s romantic and married lives. We think that young men and girls do not know what love is or that they are too young or immature to choose the right partner. No matter what the parents’ excuses, no one has the right to prevent a girl from marrying somebody she herself wants to marry. The same is true of a man. Our so-called conservative society thinks that parents are always right and that their children are always wrong. Didn’t the prophet say that nothing is better than marriage for those who love? Why are our parents then forcing those who do not love to marry? Now, I know why an extra-marital relationship is a common affair!
The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect Morocco World News’ editorial policy
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